“During gestation, birth and early childhood, the limbic system registers all of our sensations and feelings, without translating it into the language of the cortex, simply because the cortex is not developed yet. That memory lives in the body throughout the rest of our life.” ~ Gabor Maté
More than a year ago, we embarked on a journey called The Portal, a Compassionate Inquiry-based training for all professionals working in the perinatal field. Our aim is to change the birth narrative. Perinatal and birth trauma are increasing despite advancement in medicine and technologies. Many families are suffering due to what is happening: over-medicalisation of birth and dehumanisation of their experience.
According to the World Health Organization (WHO), around 10% of pregnant women and 13% of women who have recently given birth experience a mental disorder, primarily depression, with the potential for severe cases leading to suicide; in developing countries, this rate can be even higher, reaching 15.6% during pregnancy and 19.8% postpartum. These figures are an underestimation of what birthing women/people experience and do not take into account the experience of the baby.
We want families to have an experience that connects and empowers them, that allows them to be present and respond to the needs of the whole family. This doesn’t happen when there has been an unnecessarily difficult and overwhelming birthing experience, which unfortunately has become the norm. Why is it so important that families have a safe, respectful, present and gentle perinatal experience?
Conception, pregnancy and birth are our first experiences in this life, experiences with a lifelong impact of both traumas and embodied resources. This is when our first unconscious beliefs about ourselves and about life form. Let’s explore that experience a bit using our imagination.
Imagine you, at whatever age, are about to go on a long journey to live in a foreign country that you’ve never been to before. A very special host will be greeting you, and you assume you will be kindly greeted and your needs taken care of. How would you want to be received when you arrive? How would you want to be greeted? Would it feel welcoming for your host to have connected with you before your arrival so your needs were acknowledged and tended to?
Now imagine the journey of a fetus in their mother’s womb, as they journey into being born, and the newborn whose needs are calmness, connection, safety, co-regulation, gentleness, attunement, loving presence, and empathy.
Pause and take a deep breath. Take a minute or two to connect with your inner small one. What comes up for you when you imagine this little baby? Give them your acknowledgement for what they have been through, be there with them. Hold him/her in your heart for a moment and give them the attuned presence they maybe never received. Notice again what you experience in your body as you do that and take the time to journal if you would like.
The entry to incarnation, the doorway from the spirit realm to physical life, begins with conception, pregnancy, birth, and then life continues to unfold. It’s a potent time for all involved. What would it be like if this sacred portal was honoured as such? What if women/birthing people, their partners and families were given the support they needed because the sacredness of the event was recognised? Many indigenous tribes know that each soul comes with gifts for the whole community. We believe they are right. Each of us is here for a purpose, with much to offer each other, our families and communities.
When an infant is born to a mother/person who is not supported in trusting their intuition and their body’s ability to give birth, not only are they impacted, the infant themselves feels all of that too. The infant is not separate from their mother, in fact, at the time of birth, they are one, and they are highly sentient, alive with feeling. Without the attuned presence from their parents and environment, without their basic human needs being met, without the sacredness of the moment being honoured, the result is trauma, disconnection, and constriction for the mother/birthing person, their child, and their partner. Trauma, meaning a disconnection from self, is the result. The flow of life has been interrupted. Those imprints then follow the infant and the mother/birthing person for the rest of their lives, though often unconsciously.
Take a moment now for a few deep breaths, because there’s good news here also. That embryo/fetus/newborn child inside of us, or inside of our client, still waits for someone to show up and give them what they’ve needed from the very beginning. What a miracle that we can now show up for our little ones, that we can reach out for support as needed, and access the love to heal and integrate our little one and what they experienced.
The magic is that we’re able to repair the past, and any trauma we integrate inside of ourselves has a healing ripple effect out to our children, families, and community. So it’s never too late, time is not linear as we’ve been taught to believe. Each present moment holds the opportunity for change and healing.
We come into this world as our true self from the moment of conception, and as we navigate through life we often lose touch with who we are. Compassionate Inquiry shows us how to show up for our hurt parts and how to bring them back home, lovingly, into ourselves. It shows us how to live as whole, empowered beings, from our essence – where we belong.
Universal truths are everywhere we look, as the underlying principles that support life. That is why we believe Compassionate Inquiry is so potent, because it embodies the same truths that apply to both birth and life.
These are some of the fundamental principles we have learned from attending births, which also apply to healing:
- The body holds the wisdom of life;
- Being present allows the body to do what it knows how to do;
- When my mind relaxes, my body is able to flow;
- Birth is miraculous, each moment is miraculous;
- Life is a gift, life is a miracle;
- There is a flow to life, life flows with breath;
- Being present with my breath is how to be present in my body in this moment;
- Resistance creates pain, surrender allows movement;
- Working with stuckness is a process of self-acceptance;
- When I open to what is, it changes;
- I can receive support if that’s what I need;
- True support is being with others who trust in my innate abilities;
- Our first breath is present in every future breath we take;
- Safety is essential to my wellbeing;
- Loving touch is a healing balm;
- Attuned presence and safety allows for empowerment;
- Every person is wanted by Life;
- It is every person’s birthright to be honored for being who they are.
Let’s embody these universal truths in conception, pregnancy, and birth, so the journey of life becomes one of empowered, sacred presence, rather than trauma and disconnection. We hope you will join us.
“Birth fear is not yours, mama, and it is not your baby’s either. It belongs to a culture that has taken this sacred life experience away from us and intentionally marketed it as a medicalized, controlled, scary procedure that only they can save you from.” -Aviva Romm
“We have to be intuitive, awake, aware and in our feminine power. That’s what the earth needs now.” ~Jane Hardwick Collins
