Two years ago, I presented a talk on core beliefs at Compassionate Inquiry’s first Conference, Confluence, in Vancouver, Canada. I shared insights on strategies for working with core beliefs, specifically within the context of CI. When I was asked to speak again this year on the same topic, I initially felt hesitant. Revisiting my previous presentation brought up fears of inadequacy and self-doubt, and it became clear that my core belief of not being good enough was surfacing. Ironically, it was this very belief that pushed me towards deeper reflection and study. Had I simply repeated the same information, I wouldn’t have been able to expand my understanding of core beliefs or support others in deepening theirs.
Moving beyond strategies and their practical application in working with core beliefs, I’ve spent considerable time reflecting on how to deepen this subject matter, exploring not just how we navigate them, but the deeper why behind their existence. My hope is that the mental ruminations, and the fresh insights that have resulted, will help you better understand and appreciate what core beliefs truly are.
The Origin of Core Beliefs: Beyond Thoughts
In childhood, when those in our environment react to our curious explorations of the world with fear, anger, or controlling behaviour, we often adapt by repressing our internal experiences in order to gain the acceptance of those care-givers. Repeated experiences of the same nature condition a default response for all future interactions; a response that prioritises our safety and acceptance, sadly often at the expense of our authentic expression.
These responses turn into adaptive behaviours that influence our personalities, set the foundation of our lifestyle choices, and ultimately shape our worldview. Over time, they solidify into what we might label as ‘core beliefs.’ However, it’s crucial to remember the innocent, unconscious nature of their origins; that fundamentally, they developed to help us survive.
We adopt these coping strategies in order to maintain our early attachments, which were essential for survival. The wisdom of our body knows this, so any threat to attachment in early life triggers sympathetic, dorsal-vagal responses into our nervous system. Triggers arise when attachment, and thus survival, is at risk. The origins of the behaviours that shape our core beliefs thus come from the body, not the mind.
Core Beliefs: Stories We Tell Ourselves
It’s not until the mind begins to reflect, that the story of a core belief begins to be told. Until then, a core belief may go largely unnoticed. Usually, this process of exploration is only initiated when we perceive something in life isn’t working. These conditioned behaviours that once maintained attachment then reveal themselves in our adult experience as outdated ways of navigating the world.
This also means that some people may never identify a core belief, simply because they don’t want or need to. Their conditioned behaviours around belonging—for one reason or another—work for them. And that is fine. However, it’s important for therapists to recognise the significance of this reality. Otherwise, they may pass judgement or force an agenda when a client simply isn’t able, or ready to articulate the belief that the therapist can see.
It’s only when, or if a person begins to ask themselves the crucial question of ‘why’ they behave the way they do, and begins to reflect on their lives, that those deeply ingrained protective behaviours are put under the mind’s analytical microscope. All of a sudden, these behaviours take on a narrative, revealing an explanation for why they are acting as they are. ‘I must believe I am not good enough if this is how I engage with the world.’ Curated explorations of our life experiences then provide the evidence for what we could call a ‘core belief.’
Another feature of core beliefs is that they often present themselves in negative language. When we perceive something as outside of our control, or view it as inhibiting our autonomy or agency, we naturally label it as bad or wrong. This labelling process helps us make sense of the discomfort and frustration we experience. For instance, consider how an individual struggling with addiction doesn’t typically label their behaviour as an addiction until they no longer perceive themselves as having control over it. Nothing is more uncomfortable for the ego-mind than the perception of its own powerlessness.. This realisation triggers the formation of a negatively worded core belief, such as “I am weak,” “I am not good enough,” or, “I am unlovable.”
These understandings are vital because they help explain why positive thinking alone is often ineffective in shifting core beliefs. Core beliefs are not rooted in mere thoughts; they originated from protective behaviours that sought to avoid the pain and potential death sentence of isolation. It’s this shift in understanding that also contributes to the healing process of coming out of the mind and returning to the body, where what the mind labels as a ‘core belief’ actually resides.
Therefore, to effectively work with core beliefs, we must venture back into the body, where beliefs are embedded. From here we can learn to appreciate the function they served and to hold them with compassion. Only then can we develop new beliefs, which will form in the same way that the previous ones did; through consistent repetition of behavioural choices.
The Dual Nature of Core Beliefs: Harmful and Helpful
At any given moment, core beliefs can be both destructive and wildly helpful. It all depends on the perspective the mind chooses to take in that moment. That choice matters because we know the contrasting ways that our physiology responds to either self-compassion or self-criticism. When we perceive ourselves as out of control or unable to move towards our intentions, we often judge these adaptive behaviours harshly. We see them as limiting forces, our physiology feels the burden, and we invariably perpetuate our suffering.
However, these same core beliefs have often contributed to our strengths, skills, and achievements. Aside from being necessary for survival, many of our life’s successes can be credited to the very same beliefs we might habitually label as limiting or self-destructive. For example, how many overachievers and hard workers are driven by the belief that they are not good enough? These beliefs have led to the development of resilience, determination, and other valuable attributes, serving us in countless ways. These are the very same qualities that we lean on when we choose to move to different behaviours, thus modelling different core beliefs.
Awareness is the catalyst for choice, and choice is the birthplace of authenticity. When we deepen our understanding of our core beliefs, and recognize that we have a choice of the story we wish to attach to our experience, the empowerment that comes with that leads to a very different belief: I am.
Transforming Our Relationship with Core Beliefs
To truly transform our relationship with core beliefs, we must understand their protective origins and functions. When we do, the constriction and stuckness we feel can be replaced by openness and possibility. This transformation doesn’t come from rejecting or fighting against our beliefs but through acceptance, compassion, and gratitude for those adaptive behaviours that once protected us.
Recognizing that these behaviours were about survival and belonging allows us to shift our perspective from self-judgement to self-compassion. Would we judge our inner child if we were to clearly see how hard they worked to ensure our survival? This fundamentally changes how we relate to ourselves when we notice the impulse to react with conditioned behaviours rooted in protection and a desire for belonging. Instead of seeing core beliefs as barriers, we can honour them as the protectors they were—and sometimes still are. Only through this compassionate approach can we begin to release the grip of the mental constraints we’ve labelled as core beliefs, allowing space for growth, change, and new ways of being.
